I Will Stand

Standards suck.  There's no way around it.  The standards I have layered up in my heart from years of being told the "right" way to be and do creep up on me at the most inopportune times. The really horrible part is that I catch myself putting my standards on my children without even thinking about it.  My house is less than perfect.  But I've decided to make training my children a priority.  My wardrobe is outdated by nearly a decade.  But I've decided to stay home with my children rather than make money to shop.  It's hard to choose the quite eternal aspects of life when the flashy temporal things are just so much better looking! 

It's affirming to see the fruit of our "labors" in our kids.  Caleb has an amazing depth of understand about God's thoughts and ways.  We had our first splinter-pulling surgery this morning.  After carefully sanitizing his finger with hydrogen peroxide, I started digging into his hand with a needle.  Pretty traumatic when you are two.  When asked what we should do when in pain, he says "Pain go away in Christ.  All healed."  We are teaching him to believe God's thoughts and ways above the circumstances.  He knows that the band-aid did not make him feel better, but that God healed his finger through Christ.  Wow.  He watches us to see that our actions match our words.  Larry has been having back pain.  Caleb mimics Larry by putting both hands on his back and shouting to us and God that he is "all healed, Christ." Pretty cool.

Evelynn is a sweet pea.  She is enamored with her brother.  She may be all fussy and upset, but as soon as Caleb walks into her line of vision, she gurgles and smiles.  Caleb is significantly less fond of Evie at this point.  He will only kiss her when we press him to.  Yesterday, he did bring her the binky.  Before he put it into her mouth, he popped it into his own (like Larry and I do to ensure there's no dirty, fuzz or anything harmful).  He learns so much by watching us. 

I'm learning how to fight spiritually for these two darlings of mine.  God says that I don't fight against flesh and blood but against the powers and principalities of darkness.  I'm the guardian of my home.  I am just now learning that satan was totally defeated at the cross and that he has no "legal" power or authority on his own.  All he has is the authority and rights that I give him by subjecting my will, authority, and rights to his demonic control.  We operate from heavenly places because we are IN CHRIST, seated at the right hand of God.  I will stand at the door way of my home and claim the blood of Christ over my home, my family, and our hearts.

What a trip!

Well God has come through for us again!  We have completed the state inspection for our RCFE (Residential Care Facility for the Elderly) - Abundant Living For Seniors.  I was unnerved to watch our case worker step out of her car with a huge brief case and a loaded clip board.  She walked ceremoniously towards our front door as I nervously pulled the car out of the drive way with the kids.  We went to the park so we wouldn't be in the way while she conducted her inspection of our home.  Yikes. We spent the previous 24 hours organizing, folding, wiping, adjusting and cleaning our home.  I was sure we weren't going to pass.  The check list for the inspection was three PAGES long!  Good grief.  But God is good, and our home is ship shape and ready for residents. 

The other big news is our new Honda!  We recently sold my '03 Honda Pilot to get out from under the steep payment every month.   Right now Larry is picking up my new Honda minivan!  It's amazing that when I decide to trust God with my little life (giving up my Pilot was difficult as it was the first new vehicle I've ever owned), He blesses me in abundance.  The new van is completely loaded (6 CD changer, DVD, butt warmers, etc.!) and has less miles on it that my Pilot!  Wow.

Before Larry left to go pick up the van, he took Caleb aside and in a serious voice told him to take care of his mommy.  A few minutes after the kids and I came back inside, Caleb touches my shoulder and says, "How you doing, Mommy?"  Then he motions for me to kiss him on one cheek, then the other.  Just when I thought he couldn't be any sweeter, he lifts both arms up and says "hug too please."  He certainly knows how to take care of his mommy!

Larry being away has given me chance to really appreciate him and to trust my Father.  I feel much more vulnerable without my husband in the house.  I find myself having to push fear out of my mind and replace it with truth all the time. Fears about my kids, their health, and our safety creep in when I least expect them.   This has been the first time Larry has been away since before Evelynn was born.  God is working into me the reality that I have authority in Christ over all darkness.  Colossians 2: 15 says that Christ disarmed the rulers and authorities of darkness and made a public display of them having triumphed over them through the cross.  I've been practicing!  Sickness, fear, and doubt have no place in the Newman household (even when my husband is gone) because I am in Christ who has triumphed over satan. What a trip!  :)   

I continue to be amazed at God's goodness and grace towards me.

Holding hands in the dark

While rocking my boy before bed this evening, he reached his chubby baby hand down to find mine.  He intertwined our fingers.  What a sweet gesture.  Even amongst all the difficulties of the day, real and imagined, I am blessed.   

Cheese tortillas at noon

At Caleb's request, we had cheese tortillas for lunch today.  He's such an interesting little boy.  I was humming a hymn that was stuck in my head from Sunday when I put him into his high chair.  Caleb looked up and said "redeemed!" which is the name of the song I was humming. My smart little parrot!  Half way through his tortilla he looked right at me and said "Christ healed you."  Which really struck my heart as I have been thinking about this reality a lot lately.  I believe this was his second full sentence (if you want to count his debut with "I'm buff" a couple weeks ago as his first).  I was nearly speechless for a minute.

Our lunch together got me thinking about how different my life could be right now.  I recently resigned from teaching at COS.  If I were working, I would have missed so much!  I would be busy thinking about lesson plans, grading, and curriculum.  It was such a difficult decision to make, but I daily find so many blessings in being home with my children and husband.  Even so, I often find myself wondering if I shouldn't be "doing" more.  You know, contributing to the gross national product or something.  As if I ought to be busy and stressed and earning my keep.  My wonderful husband continues to tell me to relax and enjoy my life in Christ, babies, and home.  That's new.  Relax?  Tempting for sure.

More often than not I find myself fighting the desire to do things out of obligation.  For example, Larry is outside picking weeds.  Because he is working, I feel obligated to work outside as well.  My motivation is a matter of feeling right in his sight (I don't want my husband thinking he married a lazy wife...) when in reality I am right in God's sight.  Why do I work so hard to please others when God says that as a result of Christ's work, I am righteous?

My kids continue to be great reminders of spiritual realities.  They are children; they don't over analyze things.  Caleb accepts the provision we give him (cheese tortillas at noon).  Evelynn's heart is easily comforted by our words when she is upset.  Neither of them desire to earn their keep.  Their entire "job" rests in being loved.  And so they are.

Truck dirt and the fruit of the gospel

Caleb and his daddy went to pick up a load of mulch in the "big white truck" this morning.  Caleb is very excited to "help" his daddy.  He is such a little sweet heart.  Today he is wearing five layers and resembles the Pillsbury Doughboy.  Hey, it's really cold outside! He is also wearing his daddy's NY beanie.  He has become aware that his gospel phrases ("holy and righteous, me!") provide a favorable response from his mommy and daddy and has taken to saying them quite often. He really likes affirmations (I wonder if words of affirmation will be his love language?). It's interesting that he mimics everything we say (good and bad) and while he doesn't yet understand these gospel realities, I am pleased that our home language revolves around Christ enough for him to mimic. 

Evelynn had her first of many nana, mommy girl dates this weekend.  We went shopping (Build-a-Bear factory and Bath and Body Works in the mall) and out to lunch (Brewbakers).  I am happy to report that she was marvelous.  Very little fussiness and she gooed and smiled at nana all day.  I did  have a difficult time when she pooped out of her diaper at the mall and had no wipees in the bag.  Yikes.  All in all, it was a fabulous day out.

These "babies" of ours are growing so quickly!  Larry and I were wondering this morning what they will be like when they are grown.  I am so blessed that we can help massage the gospel into their hearts now and watch God work in their lives.  Larry often talks of "experiementing" with our kids.  He wants to experiement by speaking as much gospel and Christ reality to them as possible (from birth) so they do not have to fight the selfish, carnal trails that we are prone to as adults.  We can see the gospel doing its work already.  Caleb has very little fear in his heart - he's not afraid of the dark or of pain.  He's still prone to being afraid that we will leave him (we have been praying about this).  Evelynn is a happy, beautifully healthy and thriving little baby.  I attribute this to God's protection. I certainly had nothing to do with it! :) I try to remind myself daily that our kids are sanctified by our belief that we are in Christ.  They are not just any kids; they are separated from this world and its systems for God's purposes.  Satan and darkness have no place in the household of God.  God is so good to allow us to watch  the fruit His gospel manifest itself in our darling children.  What a blessing!   I'll keep you posted about how the experiment is going!  :)

Pine cones

Today, I cannot help thinking that much of life and most of motherhood is repetitive.  For example, every morning around 4:30am my little Evie Hope wakes up hungry.  She goes back down at 5:00ish, and Caleb is up at 6:00ish.  Caleb and I complete our morning oatmeal-breakfast routine and move on to changing him into his "big boy clothes."  Then we are off to change Evelynn... 

The repetitive nature of parenting reminds me of a teaching of Kathy Brophy's.   She reminded us at women's fellowship that God is faithful and unchanging (Deut. 32:4).  Faithfulness means steady, true, or having a sense that something is staying the same. Sounds good to me.  Follow my logic here...If God is steady and unchanging in His nature and I am focused on living my life in service to Him, wouldn't my steady, repetitive, little life be a blessing?  Yep.  I think so.

Not that my life is uninteresting at all.  Today all four of us went to the Imagine U Kids Museum.  Caleb played with trains, musical instruments, and several science experiements.  He was given pop corn which he continually referred to as "pine cones."  Then during prayers, before bed, Caleb reminded me that "Christ died up there, cross" to make him "holy and righteous."  No joke.  The kid is like a gospel sponge.  What a fantastic reminder of our God who is faithful, steady and unchanging.

Secret's out!

I've decided to blog, not a huge decision in 2011 as nearly all of my mom friends blog daily. However, for me, this is a semi-big decision.  I treasure my "free" time which is typically limited to less than two hours a day if, by some miracle, both of my babies are napping.  So the idea of spending my precious free time in front of the computer is daunting.  I've decided to blog, in earnest, in order to record the wonderfulness that is my life, children, and relationship with God (not in that order).  I want to remember the surpising things my children do and say.  And although I am a generally private person, I relish the idea that I can choose to  allow my friends and family to know who I am while connecting with the outside world.  I've decided also to assume that no one will read this blog in order to give myself the liberty to write authentically.  So, from here I hope to embark on a engaging relationship with the medium of blogging.  I hope you enjoy our family's blog!